I can’t let today go by without a little mention of Angel boy, his birthday 11 years old, this last year it feels like he has skipped years, his childish innocence stripped from life’s turbulence, though what I do have on my hands is a young man in the throws of seeking independence, carving out an identity for his self, I love standing by and watching this bit.
As any parent does I have my concerns about too much computer use but I also like to take what I can from the flipside, he has a new found love of Japanese anime and manga from the manga art club he goes to, the joy of watching him walk around with a large orange pot in his pocket for sharpening’s, a sketch book and pencil’s, at the same time he has made friends through mine craft who all have a love for anime too, it’s seems they have found a common ground besides mine craft, they are sharing music ‘nightcore’ that is used in the animation’s, he has friends from Norway, London and Holland. This has created a new found interest in learning a new language, Japanese is up there along with Norwegian! Then there is the question as to why there are only two to three languages you can learn in school, I’d say the choice is French and Spanish as apart from English they are the most widely spoken languages on the planet, but Japanese why the heck not! We’ll be running with that one!
It’s so easy to forget he is 11, the way he has always been able to hold a fully- fledged conversation with anyone, any adult without the need for prompting or too much question asking, I remember being in an art shop with him a few years ago, and the owner commented on how amazing it was to have a 6 year old natter away to you with such confidence with no distinguishing that he was an ‘elder’, I’ve always loved that about Angel boy, though he has been talking since he was one!
Part of this blog is to record our learning journey, so can I can’t go without mentioning the scuba diving sessions, a fellow home educating parent has been arranging all sorts of sessions, the children are so lucky to have the opportunity to access these learning opportunities. We have signed up for 6 scuba diving sessions, this week he got to use the snorkels and flippers, I think next week maybe tanks, brilliant stuff!
I’ve also signed myself up for a night of 10 preteen’s for an ‘it’s not my birthday party’ and I’ m not scared!
It’s funny how the universe provides just when you weren’t looking, as the sayings goes ‘Love comes along when your least expecting it.’ The last many months have been fraught with trying to run away, after hopes of ending the relationship and winding everything down together, as you ‘assume’ (a word I learn so much about everyday and still find myself assuming!) this would be the healthiest thing to do for the children and yourselves, but this was not the way your longstanding husband and best friend was going to approach it, nope I should have known I couldn’t control the way things ended and in his true style he would run, duck and cover! He has now painted a pretty new mask for however long that lasts, not my story though…
Hurdles are often put in front of you for good reason, I was trying to leave Cornwall, but it wasn’t happening! You have to jump through a million hoops when you have nothing, I’m thanking my lucky stars now. After applying for houses and then getting turned down, I found myself losing faith then I noticed a house pop up for rent, I called, we were first to view, somebody was on our side for sure, the house has our name written all over it, as requested wood burners, a front room perfect for dancing and yoga, and a garden just big enough for evening fires, and growing our own food. I am glowing with love…the most beautiful thing about it, is it’s in a place I spend my childhood, were I had my best friends, we had camps, I have so many stories to tell the children, I can’t wait to take them across the fields and show them where all our secret dens were!
I feel so loved and supported, so glad we found it hard to leave, I have an amazing support network of wonderful friends, the back drop of Cornwall is always so healing, yes it’s full of poverty, but where there is hardship there is always a sense of strong community, people pull together and in Cornwall you never fail to see a smiling face welcoming you where ever you go.
I am so full of gratitude, and to top it off we will be here at home to welcome Old Soul when he returns from his travels…
As human’s it is in our nature to strive to achieve harmony in what we think and the way we behave, we will do all we can to avoid the feeling of ‘dissonance’ or lack of harmony we feel.
When wo/man believes they have married a charming, caring human, that later goes on to control, manipulate and abuse, this then causes extreme confusion in the body and mind. There are many reasons why people continue to live with a psychologically controlling partner. However, when wo/man choose to live through these relationships what they experience is the feeling of cognitive dissonance. In other words staying with an abusive partner causes one to have feelings of discomfort and disharmony because their thoughts and beliefs about the abusive behaviours don’t match her action’s of sticking with them.
I struggled in myself to get my head around this theory, but it can be likened to a smoker who can justify the need to smoke, whilst knowing the health implication’s. It can be seen over and over with religion, I myself choose to be in myth, magic and sparkle!
Cognitive dissonance is a theory developed by social psychologist, Leon Festinger, in the 1950s. The theory explains how people respond when their attitudes and beliefs do not match their behaviours.
The idea of unconditional love, We are taught to believe we are loved no matter what we do. From birth I have been told this, yet as a child certain behaviour was expected of me, love was withdrawn or appeared to be, so we then are living with the feeling cognitive dissonance. ‘It must mean we are loved even if we are treated badly.’
Love should come with conditions, as quoted by Jeff Brown, a condition of kindness…(a favourite author right now!)
The idea of the blog is to record our journey, the whole ride, so many days have gone by our home education journey seems to be falling quite firmly into the autonomous/unschooling side of things, not by choice but the flow of our situation currently dictates to us! And that is okay! We have tended to be fans of project based learning in the past, I love how he can choose a project and we can connect all subjects into the project. I felt as though we were achieving something more solid, more substantial. I’m pretty sure it was to satisfy my needs, knowing we were achieving in a more structured way, after all there was a pile of paper to prove it! I believe school does that, structures the mind, one of the harder things to let go of, control over learning, for me at least. Read the rest of this entry →
All great things are preceded by chaos
Edit Published February 12, 2016 by tangle2312
It’s amazing how often you hear the words, How did we get from there to here? What the hell happened? Home to homeless, but this is us, we are not looking in from the outside..
The last year has quite possibly been the most crippling of my life so far, the impact as traumatic as I have ever known, but I’m fighting every day, to keep smiling, to keep loving, to keep the funking faith, I know why people turn to faith, in which ever guise it’s dressed up, but ultimately my faith in myself it’s what’s being asked of me, because my children need to trust me, they need to know I will make everything okay for them and little by little I plug away, a door shuts in my face, I kick it back open, plow forward a little more, for them, for us, and remember, all great things are preceded by chaos. Read the rest of this entry →
After many months of pulling out all the stops to stay in the family home with the children, I put my hands up and say no more, something I should have done many moons ago, but still couldn’t find the strength to leave, still hanging on to the tiny glimmer of hope he would return you would both pull it out of the bag, you know dig real deep, but I did that for the last three years, putting out little branches in hope of a sparkle of a truer connection, a new formed intimacy to grow old together, but deep down had I been awake I have known for many years it is something he just can’t reach within himself, I must let go…. Read the rest of this entry →
What better day to choose to start my blog than a plain old ordinary day, because if I can’t blog about the small stuff then maybe I’m stuffed!
For many years I have wanted to blog, but there never seemed a right time, a true queen of procrastination! Finding myself at a crossroads in my life, a transition from walking away from a neglectful and abusive marriage into the unknown. A new starting point for the children and I and as we sit currently homeless, but with amazing supportive friends our journey starts here…. Read the rest of this entry →