family breakdown

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Day One

Published March 10, 2016 by tangle2312

Today can’t come soon enough, I’m meeting our new landlord to pick up the keys, we will be in the house by the weekend.

The last year is finally over all most a year to the day since our family breakdown, or should I say our family makeover! We have spent the year stripping back the layers to get to the damage deep inside, you have to break, hit rock bottom to come out the other side with a new view, and I am looking from a very different place, What have I learnt? I have learnt to listen to my self, to allow every bit of pain  to flow through me, to cry when it comes, for each time I cried I was stripping back the layers of deep hurt and sadness, allowing my heart to remain open, I am learning to recognise my default patterns,  I have learnt that I need to value myself to the highest order, not just for me because if  don’t  value myself in turn my children will be following right behind me. For this year I will be back on the path to conscious  choices, with the focus on healthy boundaries, there will be a whole post for that one! I will fighting for what is fair for the children and I. Sadly we are headed towards the courts, it’s so often you are met with the judgements of  people who wouldn’t end up in the courts, people don’t seem to realise it takes two healthy minds to work together, I have tried, I can’t work with broken and that makes me so sad, because actually there is a person who has the potential to be a wonderful man, only life bit that person so hard on the ass, for many years I think I tried to save him, allow him to live his life in detriment of mine as he had been through more. No I am not blaming, nor shaming, I have my own ‘stuff’ to work on and vow to do so for the rest of my life. Writing it all down, albeit ‘over and over’ is my way of working through it all.  Now it’s our time, time the children and I came first and part of that is to partake in what makes us shine, to learn to walk from the toxic, and recognise the toxic in ourselves.  Also I am  knackered, my brain is foggy, I panic, I often can’t sleep,  and I feel disassociated  from people when in large groups, but I am well on my way…

The new house, a new page,  we will be living on the ‘breadline’ every penny will need to be counted and allocated. We will be going from living with the luxuries of organic foods, expensive natural beauty products, the luxury of going on small holidays will be gone. I am looking forward to budgeting, growing our food, learning to be healthy on very little, make do and mend!

Little Squirrel has been suffering from candida, this is because our diet is so poor right now, I look forward to cooking the foods we eat again, we are going to cut out the meat, the sugars, dairy and the complex carbs. It’s time to nurture ourselves again.

The foods we have been eating are what a huge percentage of our population eat everyday, it was the supermarkets promote, the fast food outlets,  our world is diseased inside and out, but there is the quiet reLOVEution simmering away underneath all that is evil in this world, the movement of gentle parenting, non-violent communication, organic living, permaculture, off grid living, compassionate healing and helping, the yogis, the gardeners, the artists, the carers. The LOVERS of the world…

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