parenting

All posts tagged parenting

She is GIRL

Published May 5, 2016 by tangle2312

 

I am mother of 3, the boys came first, I have always been fierce in that they were allowed to just be, to run naked and wild, to wear nail polish and curling rollers in their hair, to dress up like super heroes or just play with dolls, I didn’t want to gender to ever be an issue, I wanted them to be left to just explore and play, to be kids.

Angel seemed to spend much of his life naked, as soon as he could the clothes would be stripped, flung from one side of the room to the other, in all weathers there he was naked in welly boots, perfect!

Old soul had his moments but always pretty much kept himself to himself, as he grew up he naturally covered himself I don’t ever remember having to tell him to cover up or to stop fiddling, I think he spent more time adding layers than removing them, always dressed for battle, in his chain mail and capes!

boudicca 2 Read the rest of this entry →

So what the hell is Conscious awareness?

Published April 24, 2016 by tangle2312

 

I choose to live with conscious awareness, awareness of how I treat the Earth and all those who inhabit her. I choose to live with honesty and integrity. I choose to live in tune to myself and have a true understanding of others. I’d say it is the way in which we choose to behave and interact with all living things, in short healthy self-management.

We hear the words conscious awareness being banded around like it’s some secret club only the enlightened can be part of, I have repeatedly read many an article about this wonderful state of being, so ever the seeker in my quest for truth and enlightenment I decided to write post of what being conscious means to me.

eckhart

 

I know my own journey ebbs and flows, I  look back and see the journey unfolding, how I lay stagnant for periods while manifesting new pastures, after two years of searching, living and learning the latest lesson came with a mighty wallop! ‘Have that one in your face, and learn from it this time will you!’ I’m laughing now because this time I see so clearly the path I’m walking, it’s just mine to keep expanding with love and care. The grieving process had to be allowed to take over, but I welcomed her with all she was and yup like a wild women ‘howled’ the pain through every fragment of my being, to come out the other side with a firm clarity and clearness of who I am even if I have no idea where I’m headed, it really doesn’t matter. Read the rest of this entry →

HER

Published April 16, 2016 by tangle2312

I have wondered to myself why she should get a mention here in what is my journal for moving forward, my place to record the smalls and their many escapades. Because whether I liked it or not she has now become a part of my children’s lives. I know nothing about her apart from the brief bit of stalking I did in the early days, which is nothing but natural, though I was accused of harassing his girlfriend a week after we separated!

I have to listen to stories of the weekend’s the children spend in her company and smile sweetly, as though I’m really pleased for them. I hear she won’t come to into Cornwall because of me, I hear it through the children, this troubles me. I would imagine a fine picture has been painted of me as the crazy, cold-hearted, ex-wife, or some similar generic bullshit men of this ilk seem to tell, though there are many women I’m sure who do the same. In reality it’s just pained people, hard to see that truth sometimes. Read the rest of this entry →

Reconnecting

Published April 12, 2016 by tangle2312

Reconnecting…

How different things were at the sweet young age of 19, pregnant with my first born, scared shitless, never had I held a baby before or come to think of it I was pretty sure there was no maternal bones in my body, no idea what to expect, yet at the same time I was already writing my story, a story of how parenthood was going to be. My story was already carved deeply into my bones, the subconscious patterns we all carry from generation to generation, until we feel the pain deep enough to waken , to do the hard work to make the changes for ourselves, our children, and their children.

My first born was an ‘Old Soul’ I felt this from the moment he was born, a spirited, knowing, sensitive young man. I was given the chance to listen to him. I chose not to,  not a conscious choice, it was the wrong choice, I didn’t know any better at the time. I was going to do things my way, my parents way, my grandparents way, the doctors way, my friends way, I had no idea and I was relying on the advice of my forerunners, they knew best I knew nothing.

One of my first memories is of our first night in the hospital, I didn’t even hold my baby boy upon his birth, and I waited until the staff had given him a bath. Looking back I was so disconnected I was too scared to breast feed, I remember trying secretly one time to no avail. The midwife advised me to put him in the hospital nursery to sleep as I wouldn’t be getting a full night’s sleep for a while, so I did as I was advised. Talk about starting our time together on this planet with complete separation. I naturally let my mother take the reins when we got home, and so this went on year in year out.

Old Soul turned out to be a high need baby, with severe colic and reflux, he would scream endlessly for hours. My parents struggled to deal with this and if their parenting expertise couldn’t help, then how could I, it scared the life out of me.  And so this pattern kept on as he grew with him shouting, being incredibly needy, highly intelligent, persistent, regular meltdowns, me wondering why, what was his problem? Was it his absent father? Asperger syndrome? attachment disorder of some sort? Was he an indigo child? I spent many years looking for answers for what could be wrong, in all that time I never thought to look to myself.

 It took 13 years…for me to learn, to learn to listen, to learn to play, to learn to trust, to give him his power, for me to lose all expectation of what, who and how I thought he ought to be.  Upon those foundations we have built a solid and I hope I can say beautiful relationship, I have felt very much as though we struggled for years but the older he got the better we connected, the older I also got finding my feet in the world of parenting, learning to follow my heart and trust my instincts.

Attachment parenting for me especially with older children is very much about letting them go, letting them discover what works for them, allowing them to teach you and not trying  to teach, simply being there always to hold them firmly when they wobble, but allowing them the freedom’s to experiment with finding their own way. Such a time of carving out identity, they will stumble and fall, but and I hope I was always be to there, not to chastise or condone but just to scaffold them, so they know there is always someone holding their foundations while they are confronted with many new experiences, from first heartbreaks, to the pressures of education, perhaps dabbling with alcohol and drugs. I hope to answer their questions as candidly and unbiasedly as I can and to let them go again.

I also feel as they grow and break away, it is important for them to not feel my neediness, that my life is fulfilled, that they are not my whole life.

I also feel very strongly about the way I react in public to minor misdemeanours by my children, this is one of my hardest learning curves with parenting older children, not to feel pressured by those around me to ‘tell my children off’ I have struggled with this so many times, even lost friendships over it. It becomes harder as they grow, people are far more accepting of what they classify as ‘bad behaviour’ with young ones. It certainly grows your confidence as a parent to have faith and trust in the path you’ve chosen, the children feel this, and respond positively, when I wobble, they wobble!  I do have boundaries, a lot of the time the children will know what a ‘boo boo’ they have made immediately after an action, I see it in their faces, I don’t need to humiliate them in public or private. We do talk, hopefully with sensitivity.  I want to know they are aware of the consequences of actions the good and not so good, how different people feel, and react, how they feel about others and themselves.

Attachment parenting older children to me is allowing your children to be wholly themselves, to go into the world with an open heart and mind, to be resilient, to accept failures as a learning process, and move forward.

 For me it’s about really listening to each child, being aware how different they are and hopefully responding in a way that is sensitive to each of their needs. Also to simply hold space for them when they need it, for them to know I’m never too busy, or if I’m busy in that moment I will find the time later.  I want to put in firm but healthy boundaries and for them to have a total understanding of why these are in place.

Nothing in our house ever ‘just is’ they always have the right to question. I am a huge believer in freedom of speech, so our house can at times feel chaotic, I allow the children many freedoms, I let the odd swear word go by the by, knowing more often than not it is simple experimenting with words. We are not always gentle, there can be rough play, but it’s knowing the line when it goes too far, this is often stumbled upon naturally when the tears come, then comes discussion. Maybe my style falls somewhere between attachment and unconditional, but then it’s just more labels.

I allow them to come to me, I have even had my 18 year old sleep in my bed, he wore his PJ’s, brought his own quilt, we were midst our family breakdown, he needed the security, to stay up late and talk it over and over, the next day, I had fed what he needed for now. I have no problem with this, to nurture always.

 

If and when they are grown and have struggles, when they  maybe soul searching and need to call me out on my  mistakes, I hope I can be vulnerable and open enough to the criticisms and stories in their lives they may hold, for their own journeys of growth and change.

 

Angel boy hits 11…

Published March 8, 2016 by tangle2312

I can’t let today go by without a little mention of Angel boy, his birthday 11 years old, this last year it feels like he has skipped years, his childish innocence stripped from life’s turbulence, though what I do have on my hands is a young man in the throws of seeking independence, carving out an identity for his self, I love standing by and watching this bit.

As any parent does I have my concerns about too much computer use but I also like to take what I can from the flipside, he has a new found love of Japanese anime and manga from the manga art club he goes to, the joy of watching him walk around with a large orange pot in his pocket for sharpening’s, a sketch book and pencil’s, at the same time he has made friends through mine craft who all have a love for anime too, it’s seems they have found a common ground besides mine craft, they are sharing music ‘nightcore’ that is used in the animation’s, he has friends from Norway, London and Holland. This has created a new found interest in learning a new language, Japanese is up there along with Norwegian! Then there is the question as to why there are only two to three  languages you can learn in school, I’d say the choice is French and Spanish as apart from English they are the most widely spoken languages on the planet, but Japanese why the heck not! We’ll be running with that one!

It’s so easy to forget he is 11, the way he has always been able to hold a fully- fledged conversation with anyone, any adult without the need for prompting or too much question asking, I remember being in an art shop with him a few years ago, and the owner commented on how amazing it was to have a 6 year old natter away to you with such confidence with no distinguishing that he was an ‘elder’, I’ve always loved that about Angel boy, though he has been talking since he was one!

Part of this blog is to record our learning journey, so can I can’t go without mentioning the scuba diving sessions, a fellow home educating parent has been arranging all sorts of sessions, the children are so lucky to have the opportunity to access these learning opportunities. We have signed up for 6 scuba diving sessions, this week he got to use the snorkels and flippers, I think next week maybe tanks, brilliant stuff!

I’ve also signed myself up for a night of 10 preteen’s for an ‘it’s not my birthday party’ and  I’ m  not scared!

 

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